questions

I don't think we will ever stop asking what is the next thing that God has for us. I was so sure that i would soon be heading to east Asia and then off to Kansas City. Now is seems like God is telling me its not time yet. With the housing market in a slump has been hard trying to sell my house, but i continue to pray that God will provide a buyer in his time. I am trying to constantly seek him to see where he is leading me. So many days I want to drop everything and just go to seminary and leave everything behind, but i have to pay for my past stupidity first (debt). I pray that i will be in a position this time next year to quit my job and go to school. I know God wants me in full time ministry and i am searching constantly for him. I am trying to spend as much time as i can in his word growing closer to him and understand more about him. It is very easy to overwhelm yourself with things, especially in the church, its hard to say no, but there are times you have to. I have been blessed with the greatest group of friends and family that are supportive through everything. I see so many friends and people my age married and i feel marriage as much as i desire it could keep me from following God to the ends of the earth, " not my will but thine" is what i keep repeating, God is my one and only focus right now and he is gonna have to throw a woman right in my lap for me to notice. I can't wait for Kel to get back to hear what God has done, she has been an inspiration to me showing me what God can do with a willing heart. I always ask myself if i could really do what she is doing, its easy to say you can but if you really think about it, being away from everyone you love, daily hard struggles, i hope i will be able to. My biggest struggle is stepping out and telling people about Jesus, i don't understand why i can't tell people that amazing truth and how urgent they need it, but something in me always stops me. Lately i have been asking God to give me opportunities just to talk about him, i was able today at work with two women who at least go to church and seem to be Christians, its a start. I have noticed branches i talk to on the phone at work apologising when they curse, which i find comforting. I am so looking forward to Belize and being able to be a vessel for Christ to pour himself onto the boys we will be working with, but i also realize that i can be a great vessel here as well. This city is in such need of Christ, it is really sad to see people struggling with no answeres. I am very proud of my cousin for the work she does in the inner city. My greatest fear is that God will pass me by and my life will be worthless and my greatest hope is that he will find me worthy to be a catalyst for his kingdom. Lord let me be a light for Thee.